I hope everybody enjoyed their weekend. I know I did. 56 Rebels made the front page of WordPress.com and I have to admit our ego’s are now more inflated than Heidi Montag‘s chin. I also want to welcome all the new subscribers. So let the games begin with headlines from around the web!
As my headline promised these are “unofficial” slogans that were thrown around in a BP brainstorming session. Which is obviously an oxymoron. That’s a sentence I never thought I would write. BP brainstorming session. That’s like typing Hitler is good with kids.
Anyhow here we go.
Number 1- “BP. Building pipelines without pipes since 2010″.
Number 2- “BP. No need for self-service. We bring the oil to YOU!”
Number 3-”BP oil. Now with seafood flavoring!”
Irony or hypocrisy?
The Gaza blockade continues. On the forbidden list are items such as weapons (which makes sense) and concrete (which can be used to make bunkers and those pesky houses). If that’s the case then Israel should also add Mentos and Coca-Cola which obviously can also be used to make rockets.
JoranVan Der Sloot was arrested in Peru for another case of a murdered young woman. Did you know that Joran Van Der Sloot in Dutch means “match.com“?
Van Der Sloot and his two victims.
Personally I have never rooted so hard for Peruvian prisoners as I have this past week. Hopefully they turn his anal cavity into a “hollow-way”.
Hamid Karzai recently held a Jirga in Afghanistan.
Afghanistan's version of Independence Hall
There hasn’t been this many Taliban in one location since the Beat Your Wifestock of 1997.
White House Press Corps Senior Member Helen Thomas
Ok, Grandma...I'll put the cookie back. You're scaring me.
recently was captured on video telling the Jews to go back to their home. When asked where their home was she replied,“Poland, and Germany” . I don’t know if she realizes Poland and Germany is not so much their “home”, as it is the scene of the crime.
A recent rash of suicides at a Chinese factory are alarming to consumers. Apple and the Chinese government refer to the deaths as “early retirements”. There is some dispute as to if these were employees of the factory or people who had to deal with iTunes customer service.
When asked to comment on the suicides iPad customers said,"What's a Chinese factory worker?"
Drew Petersen and an accomplice apparently buried his wife in a steel drum on private hunting grounds. 56Rebels was able to confirm the search is underway and that Joran Van der Sloot was not the un-named accomplice.
Rafael Nadal won his 5th French Open title in the sport of tennis. Or as it is known to men with testosterone, as “big-boy ping-pong”.
7 Green Bay packers were questioned by police for alleged sex assaults at a resort. Or as they told police they were only recovering a fumble.
Talk about an offensive line!!!
Bernie Madoff hopes to surpass Satan as most evil entity in hell when he dies.
Madoff makes attempt to bypass 8th level of hell and go directly to the 9th upon his death by insulting bilked clients.
Bernie apparently told Satan,"Do you know who your f**king with?"
And finally 56Rebels Classiest Woman of the Year Award goes to Sandra Bullock who won Entertainer of the Year award as voted by the U.S. Military at the Guys Choice Awards. Which is kind of like Nickelodeon’s Kid Choice Awards but for people who like strippers and “getting slimed” usually refers to a divorce settlement.
“Did I win this for being Entertainer of the Year or did I win this because of the spectacular IED explosion that became my personal life? It’s okay because I would do it over and over and over again if it was to entertain our troops.” – Sandra Bullock
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“Dipping tea into water in protest since 1776″
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Afghanistan, Apple, Bernie Madoff, BP, Chinese suicides, coca-cola, Drew Petersen, Gaza blockade, Green Bay Packers, Guys Choice Awards, Hamid Karzai, Heidi Montag, Helen thomas, iPad, Israel, Jirga, Jordan Van Der Sloot, match.com, mentos, Natalee Holloway, Peru, Rafael Nadal, Sandra Bullock, Taliban | 6 Comments »